Wednesday, 29 September 2010

Spongebob Squarepants does not have square pants....

Whilst at work I suddenly became obsessed with whether Spongebob Squarepants actually had did have squarepants. This was playing on my mind for the whole day so as soon as I got home i had to check using the good old interwebs and low and behold, he did not have square pants. I decided to take this issue up with nickelodeon and wrote them a letter...

'Dear Nickelodeon,
I have recently become rather seduced by your marvellous cartoons however I feel i must point something out. In 'Spongebob Squarepants', the name of the show suggests that Spongebob will indeed have square pants but after a quick measurement, taking into account the width and length of Spongebob's pants it is quite obvious that his pants are infact rectangular.
Now i know this may not seem like a big deal to you but i have a 3 year old daughter who is still attempting to grasp the simple concept of shapes and it seems down right stupid that somebody advertised as having squarepants clearly has rectangular pants.
Please would you take my following suggestions into consideration;

1. Make Spongebob's pants sqaure
2. Change the title of the show to Spongebob Rectangularpants
3. Make a sister show to Spongebob entitled 'Clothfred rectangular pants but they're actually square as Spongebob squarepants has rectangular pants so this evens everything out and prevents confusion in the younger generation'
Thankyou for time.

Yours sincerely,
Jonathon Smith'

After waiting a couple of days it soon became clear that they were not going to answer me therefore my brain came up with another bright idea, a second letter...

To whom it may concern,
I recently got in contact with you regarding the shape of 'Spongebob Squarepants' pants. Below is the first email for reference;

'Dear Nickelodeon,
I have recently become rather seduced by your marvellous cartoons however I feel i must point something out. In 'Spongebob Squarepants', the name of the show suggests that Spongebob will indeed have square pants but after a quick measurement, taking into account the width and length of Spongebob's pants it is quite obvious that his pants are infact rectangular.
Now i know this may not seem like a big deal to you but i have a 3 year old daughter who is still attempting to grasp the simple concept of shapes and it seems down right stupid that somebody advertised as having squarepants clearly has rectangular pants.
Please would you take my following suggestions into consideration;

1. Make Spongebob's pants sqaure
2. Change the title of the show to Spongebob Rectangularpants
3. Make a sister show to Spongebob entitled 'Clothfred rectangular pants but they're actually square as Spongebob squarepants has rectangular pants so this evens everything out and prevents confusion in the younger generation'
Thankyou for time.

Yours sincerely,
Jonathon Smith'

You are yet to get in contact with me and I am literally sat on the edge of my seat waiting for an answer however this is not through anticipation or excitement just due to the fact this is the part of the seat I prefer to sit on. I feel that as a valued member of the nickelodeon community a reply to my inquiry is the least i deserve. I have read through the help section to check if my answer has been answered there like you insist and after thorough checks i can conclude that it does not fall in any section you have listed.
I have taken into account reasons for you not replying to my email which i shall list now;

1. Upon reading my previous email, the person who replies to emails head exploded due to the complexity and seriousness of the issues I brought up. The person who took over from this poor fellow saw that this email had already been opened and reached the conclusion that the poor head explody bloke must have replied.

2. After reading about my idea for a sister show entitled 'Clothfred rectangular pants but they're actually square as Spongebob squarepants has rectangular pants so this evens everything out and prevents confusion in the younger generation' you have decided not to reply to my email so you can steal my idea before i have chance to copyright it and by not replying and by simply deleting my first email there will be no way of me fighting a case in court. (I have now begun saving my emails to a harddrive, so if you do steal the Clothfred idea i'll be taking you straight to court)

3. You are simply too busy replying to less important and complex emails such as 'Y did ed, edd n eddy not have anuva fwend called eddie? lots of love timmy age 4' and 'What is a penguin? write bak plz sam aged 6' .

4. You don't understand some of the long words i have used. However i have checked with my friend who is a teacher who has confirmed that the vocabulary i use can be read by somebody of a reading age of 12 so if that is the case and you cannot understand by wording i feel you should quit your vastly important job.

5. You are too busy thinking of a suitable prize and drafting out the perfect thankyou letter for pointing out something that could have such huge consequences that you have still not had time to reply with something that would match the big favour i have done for you.

6. You don't care. (It would be disastrous if it was this one)

I look forward to hearing from you in the near future.
Yours sincerely Jonathon Smith.

P.S if you want to produce 'Clothfred rectangular pants but they're actually square as Spongebob squarepants has rectangular pants so this evens everything out and prevents confusion in the younger generation' I already have drawings, plotlines and a series of episodes already prepared.

However this time they decided to take me seriously and a few hours later my hotmail inbox greeted me with this delight...

Hi Jonathon! Thanks for your message.

You're right - we're sorry for not replying to you sooner! We thought your first email was really pretty awesome (seriously) and it had stunned us into total silence. Sorry about that.

SpongeBob Rectangularpants 3 is a great name for any TV show, but it might be a bit hard to sing along with. Patchy the pirate would need quite some time to learn how to say a word with more than three syllables in it, and until then there'd be no theme music to sing along with. You can see what a problem that would be.

We do have a department at Nickelodeon that sits around thinking about stuff like this. So far the best they came up with was "SpongeBob QuadrilateralPants", but we think that might mean something rude in Italian, so we didn't go any further with the idea.

Rest assured that making things better is our top priority, and we'll keep your email in mind as we think of more ways to fill your TV with sponges. I'll make sure that the right people here at Nick get to see it (seriously.)

Thanks again for your message - and of course, thank you for watching!

All the best,

Ant

Quite pleased with the overall result and Ant from nickelodeon was a great sport. I shall be sending some more emails sometime in the near future...

14 comments:

  1. Awesome! I do a similar thing by trolling Craigslist. Keep up the posting!

    ReplyDelete
  2. I'm kind of impressed with their answer - the right balance of humouring someone who might be terrifyingly serious, and tongue in cheek.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Hi SpongeBob How Old are you?Wright Back.

    ReplyDelete
  4. This is great. I guess I could've expected a sense of humor from SB's writers, though.

    @anon:Right now, SpongeBob is 24 years old, because his boater's licenses ("No Free Rides" and "Sleepy Time") have said that he was born on July 14 1986. Take it from someone who moderates the SpongeBob SquarePants wiki. (my profile)

    ReplyDelete
  5. Brilliance. Now off to write an email to the makers of Dora. It's time they stopped making that whole show so "That's what she said." I mean really. Every episode there's a beaver or a bush. Come on.

    ReplyDelete
  6. And then the captcha I had to enter to post that comment was "turdette." Honestly, it's like Blogger is just playing with me now.

    ReplyDelete
  7. I love that they sent a funny, non-boilerplate letter back. Did you get any coupons for free SBSP swag? A keychain or bumper sticker? I think that is SOP when customers send letters.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Wait a sec... SpongeBob's pants are square, on the sides.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Well spongeBobs pants look square

    ReplyDelete
  10. Hey people, there is this picture on Facebook, and it says that, "for every like, spongebobs paycheck goes up 1 $." So can we get like an episode out for that? That would be amazing if you could.

    ReplyDelete
  11. He is really a hexahedron ... he has six sides

    ReplyDelete